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Level 281

Sugar Act

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Sugar -- Sugar --! Its getting late sugar --we'd better go up now and change for dinner
Oh! You found yourself a beau
You run along, Daphne I'll catch up with you
Vanity Fair?!
blah blah blah I'm terribly sorry. This happens to me all the time in public. She must have seen my picture in Vanity Fair
His yacht?!
Yes. You're blocking his view of his yacht
Yes -- you have to be very careful about who you pick for a roommate.
Really? I heard a very sad story about a girl who played the bass fidle -- she squaled on her roomate and they found her strangled with her own brassiere
Why, you miserable, double-crosser!
I just knew that you two would get along swell together Well-- it's getting kind fo late and we do have to change for tonight. So I guess I'll just say goodbye
Now wait a minute, Jerry --
Just like sisters, huh? "Doing it for Sugar" huh? Boy, you really are something
I'd like to stop you gap
Jerry, that gitrl couldn't wait! She needed help right now! It's only a stop-gap measure
What are you going to do
What do you think? I'm going to tell her!
Oh. well -- I'll tell her something
Tell her what -- that I'm really a girl?
What's that ?
The beast with five fingers. If he sees me up close in thsi bathing suit I'm liable to get pinched
how extraordinary
What'd he want?
you've go it made, kid! Hew ant you to have supper with him on his yacht
Yeah? Well, I'm not going!
Just the three of you, alone of that great big boat -- you and him and Rudy Vallee
Of course you're not. I'm going.
On the boat with the dirty old man?
No! With sugar.
Where's he going to be?
Where do you think? On the shore with you.
That's right
DJo you know what fat chance means?
for what?
Oh, Jerry how can you be so selfish? He's a millionaire -- maybe he's just the one we've been looking for
Yeah, and what if he isn't
For sugar. For all we know he mihgt be the perfect one.
That's the reason you've got to try him out first.
Do you mean that I'm supposed to be a human sacrifice? While you and Sugar are off somewhere on a yacht listening to Rudy Vallee?! Joe I swear to God, there is nothing on …
No, you're wating your time
We're only Doin' It for sugar
They can play their hearts out-
Yeah. Hot.
Sugar: Daphe! Boy, do you look sensational!! You must have some hot date tongith!
What she needs is a bicycle.
Me, too. With Junior . He called and asked me to meet him at the dock right after the show. Hey, what's wrong with Josephine? She didn't even say good-night -- she just took off, running like a jack-rabbit.
Is anything wrong
No, no -- she's just late getting down to the naval base.
Naval base -- Josephine?
Oh , yes. Every night she stands at the gate, waiting for the sailor to come out. But never mind her -- tell me about YOUR date.
Yoo hoo! Daphne!
I hope my mother never sees me
My, you look absolutely scrumptuous tonight! Let's hurry -- myt motor boats' at the dock
Yes, well I'm afraid I couldn't possibly go with you on your yacht, Mr Fielding.
Why not?
I get seasick
Glass makes me sick too
Don't worry, the water's like like glass tonight
I'll throw up
But it's such a waste -- a full moon -- an empty yacht
Well, I'll be damned! He does have a bicycle. The earrings!
Well, then, why don't we go dancing? I know a nifty little roadhouse down the coast --
I beg your pardon
You said something about a roadhouse
That sounds pretty serious, Mr Fielding
They've got a gypsy orchestra thats the berries. Why don't we go there -- blindfold the musicians -- and dance til dawn
Everything under control?
Have I got things to tell you
what happened?
Sit down first
I'm engaged
Okay -- I'm sitting --
Congratulations. Who's the lucky girl?
I am! I'm engaged, I'm engaged! If I'm giggly and gushing words tumbling and rushing we're planning a wedding in may -- Will you give the bride away?
Osgood -- he proposed
What are you talking about?
You think he's too old for me?
Have you gone crazy, you can't marry Osgood!
Jerry! You con't be serious!
Why not? He keeps marrying girls all the time!
Security! Throbbing and thrilly hysterically silly It's hard to concele the delight, when a fella meets mister right
But you're not a girl -- you're a guy! And why would a guy want to marry a guy?
You'll never get away with it!
Well, I know that! I don't expect it to last. AS a matter of fact, I plan to tell him the truth when the time comes. .
When's that?
Right after the ceremony. Then we'll get a quick annulment, he'll make a nice settlement on me, I'll have those alimony checks coming in every month
But Joe -- this may be my last chance to marry a millionaire!
Jerry Stop it! There are laws -- conventions -- it's just not being done!!
You can't do it, Jerry, and that's that!
You know, you spoil everything!! And what am I going to do about my engagement present?
Engagement present? What engagement present?
He gave me this bracelet.
Holy Smoke! These are real diamonds!
Naturally. You think my fiance is a bum? Now I guess I'll have to give it back.
But if I'm not going to marry him..
Wait a minute -- let's not be hasty. After all, we don't want to hurt poor Osgood's feelings, do we?
Yeah, but a present is a present
Taking jewelry from a man under false pretenses -- I'd feel like such a tramp!
The bourbon's under the mattress
I thought I heard voices -- and I just had to talk to somebody. I don't feel like going to sleep.
Nice?! It was beautiful!
Did he get fresh? I'll bet he got fresh. Sugar, dear -- let me give you a word of advice: If I were a girl -- and I am -- I'd watch my step
I don't believe it
Tell us about him, Sugar -- wwhat's he like? REally like I mean. Does he -- how should I put it -- know his way around?
We know what you meant!
What I mean is -- is he any good?
Sugar: no --
How about lousy
blah blah blah isn't that wonderful?
Where are you going?
I don't feel safe in the same room with you
Scene 6
She's gonna figure it out Joe-- and then do you know what she's going to do? She's going to line us up against the wall and --- eh eh eh eh eh and then…
We've got to get out of here right away!
What do we use for money? I don't even have my purse!
Wait a minute -- what's that?
The diamond bracelet Osgood gave me.
Suppose we do? They'll be watching all the bus and train stations, the airports, the shipping lines --
That's it! That thing's going to be our meal ticket -- if we ever get out of hotel alive.
There's one thing they're not going to be watching
The private yachts
Yeah, but how are we going to -- really?
He'll like that
That's right. Call your fiance -- tell him you accept his proposal --
He won't like that
Tell him you're bringing your cousin with you
He's going to be so happy!
blah blah blah Go phone Osgood, I'll wait here. The ladies' room, Daphne
Did you hear that?
blah blah blah them broads ain't broads they're the two witnesses! Spread out -- we gotta find 'em
His line's busy
Yeah, I heard it it. Did you reach Osgood?
keep trying!!
You don't have to shout.
How can I? No matter where I go, there'll always be a Shell Station on the corner.
JOEsephine! Oh, hello Sugar, Josephine, I reached that certain party and everything's all arranged -- Come on Josephine -- we don't want to be late!
You don't understand -- I don't care who you are, I love you.
Josephine -- where the hell were you? I was halfway to the dock -- oh boy.
I told her, Jerry -- she know's everything
Oh. Hi ya -- how are ya? What do we do now?
Oh, God
I give you the bride.
Osgood -- there's something I have to tell you --
I called Mother -- she was so happy she cried. She wants you to have her wedding gown -- it's all white lace.
What is it, dearest?
I -- I can't get married in your mother's dress. She and I -- we're not built the same way.
We can have it altered.
Osgood, listen -- I'm going to level with you. We can't get married at all.
It doesn't matter.
And I have a terrible past -- for three years now I've been living with a saxophone player
I forgive you
And I can never have children
We'll adopt some
Osgood, you don't understand! I'm a man!